America has regretfully discriminated against many people in our history.
We have discriminated against the blacks, the women, the Japanese, the homosexuals, the disabled, the Gingers….
But do you know who we have never discriminated against?
The people who really deserve it.
The people with peanut allergies.
In fact, we do just the opposite of discriminating against them.
We accommodate them.
We put warnings on food labels.
We establish “peanut-free classrooms."
Really, the only place we don’t accommodate for peanut allergies, is on airplanes.
There the flight attendants are handing out peanuts left and right.
Airplanes must be, like, a death trap for people with peanut allergies.
Now, I’m sure there are a lot of good people out there, who just happen to be allergic to peanuts.
But regardless, I hate the whole lot of them.
It all started in second grade, when for snack time, I brought in my favorite candy: a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.
But apparently Valerie Kruz had a peanut allergy.
And so Mrs. Martin made me throw out my Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.
And so I did not have anything for snack that day.
And so I had to sit there and watch all the other kids eat their snacks.
While I sat at my desk with nothing to eat.
All so Valerie wouldn’t go into anaphylactic shock.
But now a decade later, I have obviously gotten over that incident, and I wish Valerie all the best.
I even wish, perhaps, that someday she wins a free trip to the Bahamas.
With airfare included.
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